Why money and power affect male self-esteem

 

A person's income can have a significant impact on their mental wellbeing, particularly when they compare themselves with those around them. For many men, these comparisons can create stress and affect their self-esteem.

Dave, who stays at home to care for his children, admitted that it was difficult to accept that his wife was the family's main earner. He said it hurt his pride to see her bringing in most of the household income.

Tom, another stay-at-home father, explained that he often faces negative reactions from other men. According to him, some people assume that a man who does not work outside the home is less masculine.

Brendon experienced similar criticism, revealing that some of his relatives mocked him with insulting nicknames because he stayed at home while his partner earned the family's income.

These experiences highlight the social stigma faced by men whose partners are the primary breadwinners, showing how traditional expectations about gender roles can have a harmful effect on men's mental health.

The men who took part in the research explained that much of the criticism they experienced came from the long-standing belief that men should be the primary providers in a family. However, as more women now earn more than their partners, traditional family roles are changing, highlighting how income influences authority and decision-making both within households and across society.

One of the main reasons these shifts matter is that income is often associated with power and status. When a man is not the main earner—despite social expectations that he should be—he may feel a loss of confidence and control. This can negatively affect his mental health and, in some cases, increase the risk of relationship breakdown or divorce.

Research also shows that unemployed men are more likely to experience depression than unemployed women.

Although women are increasingly becoming the highest earners in many families, men still earn more on average overall. In households with children, women continue to take on a larger share of childcare and domestic responsibilities. This pattern exists in many countries and is driven by both traditional gender expectations and practical financial decisions, as families often prioritize the career of the partner with the higher income, leaving women more likely to reduce their working hours or move into flexible jobs.

Even with the rise in female breadwinners, public attitudes about work and household responsibilities have changed more slowly. Women who earn more than their partners still tend to handle most of the housework and childcare. At the same time, although support for gender equality has grown among younger generations, many men continue to report lower life satisfaction when their partner earns more than they do.

Although Bunton adapted well to his new role, his experience shows that a man's income compared with his partner's can have a real impact on his mental health. A recent Swedish study followed heterosexual couples over a ten-year period, examining both their earnings and mental health records. The researchers discovered that when women started earning more than their husbands, mental health diagnoses increased among both partners. However, the effect was stronger for men, whose diagnoses rose by as much as 11%, compared with an increase of up to 8% across all participants.

While researching her book Breadwinners, the author interviewed Demid Getik, an assistant professor of economics at Durham University and the lead researcher of the study. Getik explained that although society no longer openly insists that men must be the main earners, that expectation still exists in many people's minds. He also suggested that the rise in mental health problems among men whose partners begin earning more may reflect growing dissatisfaction within their relationships, even though the study did not directly measure relationship quality.

Other studies have found that husbands whose wives earn more are more likely to be unfaithful. Researchers believe this may be an attempt by some men to restore a sense of masculinity after feeling that their traditional role as the family's provider has been challenged.

Evidence also suggests that the expectation for men to provide financially plays an important role in their wellbeing. Men who are unemployed are more likely to experience depression than unemployed women. One reason may be that women often maintain stronger social connections outside the workplace, while men can become more socially isolated. As a result, stay-at-home fathers may experience greater loneliness than stay-at-home mothers.

Understanding the link between income and mental health also requires challenging common assumptions. Female breadwinners are often portrayed as ambitious professionals, but in many families the situation arises because the man has lost his job, placing the household under financial strain. Research shows that families where only the woman is employed generally have lower total household incomes than those where the man is the primary earner, reflecting the ongoing gender pay gap. Because of this, Helen Kowalewska of Bath University and her colleagues argue that many governments are not doing enough to offset the financial disadvantage faced by female breadwinner households, and they believe stronger welfare support is needed for these families.